This is season 1, episode 2, and in today episode you and I will discuss why everybody lies, how to defeat road rage in two easy steps and start our path down the rabbit hole of reality. So come and hang out for a bit, you don’t want to miss this. Roll the intro!
Everybody lies. If you want to take an action step right now towards being a happier person, this is where to take it. Now, I’m not saying everyone is a liar. People lie in different forms, it’s part of our communication, we lie by either deception –which is the most common form of lying- omission (leaving out elements of information), exaggeration, etc. You get the idea. The person we lie to the most is ourselves by means of our inner dialog. This is the worst kind. The worst habit.
So let’s not fault people for lying, it’s a human trait, but explore why do we lie? We lie to be polite, or because we think it’s what the other person wants to hear. We lie to save face and out of fear of being judged by others. Another very strong reason to work on not caring about what other people think.
So you can see how, if you decide to change this behavior, it will likely make you unpopular (party, clothing, etc) and probably lose you some friends in the process but you’ll experience a huge weight being lifted off of your shoulders. Because you never have to remember what lie or person to cover for; you’ll learn the true meaning of “if you have nothing good to say about it, don’t say anything”.
It is challenging because in our culture people push you to lie. That’s why next time someone asks you “why?” Of a decision you made [this is them challenging you] –not going to the party, not giving your opinion about a person, etc.—it will be hard at the beginning but it’ll get easier with time, to say “because I decided to”. If you give a reason, you’re only opening yourself up for a rebuttal. Then it becomes a battle of wills in which one person [probably you] will end up changing their mind and resenting the other for forcing their will over you.
Stress is probably the biggest cause of frustration in our daily lives. And frustration (a cousin of disappointment) is born from when our expectations are not met with our perception of reality.
In the previous episode I used an example of a coworker that was consistently late and in his eyes the reasons to fix that were out of his reach. Not only that but when confronted with a viable solution that proved his perception to be wrong, his response was angry and he rejected the possibility. Have you ever seen anything like that? I’m sure if you’ve been alive for a minute, everyone has.
For about five years or so I had access to interview psychologists counselors and psychiatrists on all matters involving human behavior and I was granted the opportunity to be able to meet with them on a weekly basis as a one-on-one mentorship, counseling or training. As leaders, business owners, and especially heads-of-household, it’s crucial for us to understand our people and our family. One of the most important tools in our arsenal or toolbox is effective communication. The skill to understand what a person is trying to say and how they would understand what you are trying to say or the message you’re trying to convey.
Now Henry ford put this in the best way possible way back when his quote is “whether you think you can or you think you can’t — you’re right” so either way you’re right and this brings the phenomenon that what you think your worldview is how you react to it, is effectively your perception of the world; and we are the product of the last 10 years of our lives’ experiences.
So if this hypothetical person believes that the world is out to get him he’s right and this is the true reality. If he recognizes his shortcomings and thinks he can get better and improve his life he’s also right and that can become also reality. So once, I asked a psychologist, who also happened to be a professor at our local state university, in one of our sessions how can you convince a person that obviously has a skewed worldview that he needs to work on himself and quit blaming the world for his shortcomings? And after he laughed at the question, he simply said it would take a miracle. It would take a miracle to convince that person to do so. It’s nearly impossible. As is nearly impossible to change a person. I’ll let that last bit sink in for a moment.
The change has to come from within. So a lot of the results of that is that middle management leaders end up spending what amounts to approximately 80% of their time fixing problems of 20% of their people either in training or correcting mistakes or adjusting bad habits like this employee being consistently late.
In relationships, we have all fallen for the delusion that we can change our friend, sibling, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband. It doesn’t matter who it is. That’s why a lot of young marriages fail within the first 5 years. In general, she hopes he’ll change, he hopes she’ll never change, and in both instances, they’re both wrong!
So going back on how to fix road rage in two easy steps the first step is to change your expectations. What i observe is that in traffic people are always in a great hurry to get nowhere. So let me explain, they are in such a hurry to get off work, jump in their car, and speed all the way home just so they can sit in the couch… or they can watch their favorite show that’s online, on demand, it’s recorded they don’t have like a TV guide which they can be late to. Those days are way over.
So the reason why this happens to a lot of us is of because of how we’ve been conditioned. Most people are naturally procrastinators, we wait for the last minute to turn in a paper, to pay a bill, to call the repairman, whatever the case may be and this is a horrible habit that only creates more stress in our lives. So now that we know, the first step is to get rid of that habit. Adjust your expectations. After driving a few times to and from work you realize that the time that you drive varies according to traffic so don’t expect to get there any sooner than you usually are. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I can’t tell you how much stress I removed from my life when I started planning ahead whether it was to go to work, to pick up the kids from school, to go grocery shopping, whatever the case may be that involved dealing with traffic and exterior forces. The solution came from leaving a little bit earlier 15 20 30 minutes earlier. And it’s so easy to just add that to your morning and wake up 20 or 30 minutes earlier; expect there to be traffic, people to be angry that drive erratically, expect there to be what is always there, every day, you know that there’s always a line outside the gate waiting for cars to go through a checkpoint, that checkpoint is not going to disappear tomorrow so why get upset about it? Instead use your time for something else take an audio book with you, download these podcasts and play them in your car, use that time to think etc.
And you will notice that while everyone else in traffic has road rage you do not. Now for the second step. We are going to make tailgaters disappear.
To use this we’re going to use quantum mechanics it’s not as complicated as you might think or as intimidating as that term suggests. Simply put, we’ll start with Schrödinger’s cat is a thought experiment, sometimes described as a paradox. This experiment also shows how to apply quantum mechanics to everyday situations. The details of the experiment or kind of morbid so I’m not going to repeat them here but you can find a lot of information online if you so desire. It basically shows how this hypothetical cat can be both alive and dead at the same time. Yes, true story. Not impossible.
So if I were to ask you right now if it’s possible for two things to occupy the same place in space would you think it’s possible or impossible? In layman’s terms quantum mechanics is exactly that, IS that an object’s properties change depending on the observer.
The simplest form I’ve been able to find has been the optical illusions of the old woman and the young woman in which a picture a drawing could portray either one, another example is the duck and the rabbit, the chalice and the couple kissing. So the question is if I see a rabbit and you see a duck in the same drawing and nothing has physically altered the drawing, which one of us is right? So quantum mechanics says we are both right.
So how do we apply this to traffic to get rid of tailgaters by applying quantum mechanics? The answer is very simply the second step to get rid of road rage once and for all. When you see a tailgater you only know it exists because you see him in the rearview mirror, right? The tailgater’s entire existence revolves around the fact that you, as the observer, are confirming it.
All you have to do is turn your rear-view mirror down and watch as a tailgater disappears from your reality. That is quantum mechanics.
Look in reality there’s nothing you can do to stop tailgaters, at least nothing that is safe. You’ve seen videos online in which people break check tailgaters and they just end up in a wreck; so the only thing you can do proactively is, if somebody is tailgating you, give yourself extra space in front of yourself to stop quickly and safely, compensating for the lack of space behind you in case of an emergency. But in reality, we have to accept there are things we cannot change, if the driver behind you going to hit you, they’re going to hit you and there’s nothing you can do about it. So don’t get mad, don’t be afraid; just keep your seatbelt on and your insurance up to date.
This exercise makes a perfect segue into the rabbit hole that is true reality. I would ask you differently now, if I see a duck and you see a rabbit which one of them is actually real? If you see a problem and I see an opportunity for growth, which one of us is right? So what is real proof? Real evidence?
Are you ready to take another step deeper into the rabbit hole? We are approaching the point of no return into self-awareness. There are things that you are soon about to learn that you cannot unlearn and the phrase “ignorance is bliss” will have a completely new meaning to you. So this is just a friendly warning. Enough said let’s get to it.
There is a phrase that keeps getting misinterpreted that says: “‘nothing is true—all is permitted.’ the last words of Hassan as-sabbah who was a Persian leader — now Iran — who started a revolutionary movement. Yes, this was also quoted in the video game “assassin’s creed” but that’s beside the point. Hassan as-sabbah was a real person that inspired many people during his time. So I dug deeper and found the original words that he used. The closest I could get was Arabic. — la shi waquea mutlique bal kulho momkin —
The literal translation is “there is no such thing as absolute truth, rather everything is possible”.
We have within us the power of creation. We can shape and change our future.
What we inhabit is a near perfect machine.
Our mind is the dialog between replacing dreams and turning them into goals.
These three pillars are mind, body, and spirit or soul. They all require maintenance and respect. And they all affect each other equally.
Think hard about the people you know. We all know someone who is strong in one pillar but weak in another… the bulky gym guy or the obsessed runner who believe in nothing and can only talk about their diets and their exercises; the spiritual Zen-yoga-new age-guy always talking about going to church or enlightenment but lies, cheats and attributes all his shortcomings to a higher power but actually just doesn’t want to work. And the very intelligent, overweight academic who desperately tries to debunk everyone else’s ideas and beliefs.
Those people as most people are missing out on the harmony and peace that comes from nurturing and growing on all three. Three things to keep in mind: the goal is to always continue to grow, there is no end to learning; find a suitable mentor or two to guide you thru (not more because it’s confusing and overwhelming); and know that you must move onto another once you have outgrown him or her knowledge. Go to the gym and find a personal trainer or nutritionist; explore counseling (clinical or religious) even if you think you don’t need it or have anything to fix; and study to learn something new every day. Spending money is not necessary, all three have “free” alternatives, all you have to do is look.